Got this from CHICKS LOVE ME and i think it will go a long way to help so many of us out there seeking for help on this particular issue.
Sex is a beautiful thing. I’m not sure if there really is a guy in the sky who calls himself “God” but let’s give a big round of applause to whoever invented sex.
I’ve been in a handful of relationships and I’ve learned some valuable lessons. A lot of guys think once they have a girlfriend the “game” is over and they can just have sex as they please. Sorry to break it to you guys, but it doesn’t work that way.
Girlfriends are not like pets you can say “sit” “rollover” and “let’s get it on” too. Girls have to be romanced. It doesn’t have to be every night. Of course sometimes you are both exhausted and you just want her to roll over in a small spoon position so you can slide it in, and that’s fine. But, even girlfriends liked being seduced by their boyfriends.
Most guys suddenly stop being romantic after the honeymoon stage of a relationship. Big mistake boys. I’m going to break down why sex gets dull and what can do to improve your relationship.
When it all goes wrong
The first few months I was with this one girlfriend we had the most amazing sex. And I don’t use the word amazing loosely.
Anyways, our sex adventures went on strong for about 4 months into the relationship and then slowly dwindled down. At first, I hadn’t the slightest clue as to why the sex went from so good… to so bad… so fast.
Before confronting my girlfriend, I put a lot of thought into figuring it out on my own. Partly because I feel like I’m a pretty adequate problem solver, and I was a bit embarrassed to talk to her about it.
My first thought was something my dad said to me when I was 19 years old. He said “Son, do you like ice cream?” I said “Of course I do father.” He replied “Well, could you eat ice cream every day for the rest of your life?” I said “probably not.” He then said “Exactly. Relationships are the same way. The same thing every single day gets boring after a while.”
Thanks for the great advice Dad. That comment is going to haunt me for the rest of my life every time I think of “marriage.”
So my first thought to what my Dad said was I wonder if sex just naturally goes dull with someone after you’ve done it over and over and over. Then my second thought was, there is no way. There are couples out there who make it work. And if he was right, the divorce rate would be even lower than it already is. So I crossed off that idea.
The next thought I had was maybe I suck in bed. Maybe I do have a few shortcomings of my own. Maybe her ex boyfriend was Black. (you know what that means)
But wait, if I was bad in bed, why were the first 4 months of sex so incredible?
It couldn’t be that.
Discovering the problem
Think Mike. Think hard. What has changed from when we started dating to now? I got it. The romance had faded. And it’s my own fault. I stopped doing cute things for her. I treated her so much differently when we first started dating.
In the beginning, I used to surprise her with flowers. I would come over to her house and hand them to her, and tell her how beautiful she looked. She didn’t get overly excited about it, but I knew it warmed her chest.
I also used to surprise her with random date nights. I would tell her we had dinner reservations, what type of dress attire was required and the time. I wouldn’t disclose the location. I’d just pick her up and take her there.
And here is one of the most important elements. I stopped taking my time with her in the bedroom. I used to go in for a kiss, back away, and gaze into her eyes with my own. It might sound cheesy, but hey that’s love and it makes a girl feel special.
Here’s what I turned into. The surprise dinners stopped. Flowers were reduced to holidays and special occasions. And making love became a chore instead of a privilege. I would get in bed after a long day of work and say “Babe, roll over.” Or I would ask her if she was in the mood to have sex. Could I be any more unromantic? Lol.
Solving sex
Right before figuring out what I was doing wrong in the relationship, our sex life was on thin ice. My girlfriend only wanted to have sex under very specific circumstances. She had to be energetic, and she had to be horny. Sometimes it would take her a week or two to get there and that meant no sex for more than 10 days.
Being an extremely sexual person, I had a hard time dealing with it. Once I knew how to fix our problem I did something really smart. I didn’t tell her what was wrong or that I was going to fix it. I just did it.
Make sure you don’t tell girls what you are going to do or else you’ll take the excitement out of it. Just do it.
I started taking her to to restaurants once a week I would find on Yelp with good ratings. We also started going on walks at night. There is a park near my place we would walk to and go on the swings. Just spending time together outside of the house brought us closer to each other.
After a couple weeks of this, she wanted to have sex more often. Once I got her wanting more sex, I spiced it up in the bedroom as well. We would take baths with all the lights off and candles lit up throughout the bathroom and some french jazz playing in the background.
So guys, it’s not about how good looking you are or your size, or even sexual performance. Girls are all about everything that leads up to sex. The more you focus on spending time together and being romantic, and the less you focus on sex, the better sex you will have. And you’ll have it more often too.
